We’re already into the second month of 2018. I didn’t have 2018 goals: a new year’s resolution, a theme or a word for the year. I’ve tried that before, and it’s never worked. My approach was not sustainable. Before, I often resided in a short-term mindset. Looking to the future & setting long-term goals never felt as exciting. I love instant gratification. I love seeing the fruits of my labor NOW.

This post may seem like a goalsetting post, and in a way, I guess it kinda is. But I’m taking a different perspective this time. This time, I’m approaching 2018 (and beyond) by looking even more inwardly.

I’m looking at some of the things that have sent me on a guilt trip in the past. I’m looking at the things that have disrupted my peace. I’m looking at the things that have kept me from pursuing my own self-care & self-love. I’m looking at the things that others’ have regarded as my flaws, when just maybe, it was the projection of their own flaws onto me.

That said, I have a list of things that I refuse to feel guilty about this year and never again.

Not explaining myself

Here’s what I mean by that. A LOT of the time, when asked for a reason why I have or have not done something, said something, etc., I would feel the need to not only explain but over explain my actions, like I constantly needed to defend myself & my reasoning. For example, my daughter’s father kept questioning my reasoning for wanting boundaries between us. While I could easily go on a diatribe with him about why I made the decision that I did, I instead responded with a simple answer of “because I want to”. My answer is enough for me.  It should be enough for you, too. If it’s not, too bad.

Saying “no”

This is somewhat related to the first thing. Because I’ve been a people pleaser practically my whole life, a lot of people are used to me being nice. In fact, I’m too nice the majority of the time. So nice that it’s hard for me to say no to people. So nice it’s hard for me to say yes to myself. So nice that I put others’ feelings before my own. I’ve said yes to a lot of things that I really didn’t want to do. I’ve said yes to a lot of things because I felt obligated to do so. But at 31 years old, I recognize the value & the power of no.

Having something for myself (aka not sharing)

Now that I’m a mom, I sacrifice a lot of personal interests to make sure my daughter is well taken care of, even to the point of constantly sharing food, sharing time, sharing space, etc. Yes, it comes with the package and some sacrifice is to be expected BUT I’m learning that I can have a moment to myself, that I DESERVE to have a moment to myself.

I’m learning that I can now ask my daughter to go play on her own for a bit & give me some space. I deserve to have a moment to watch my trash reality TV, eat my dinner, indulge in some dessert in peace & not always feel like I have to share.

Getting frustrated with motherhood

This shit’s hard. Y’all know that. I think it’s only human for us to feel all sorts of emotions as we figure out this parenting thing. It’s no secret that my daughter was unplanned. Yes, that adds to the frustration of it all sometimes. But motherhood is the hardest job I’ve ever had. And it’s the job I’ll have for the rest of my life. There are ups & downs. Toddlers are ruthless. And it’s frustrating. I’m not going to feel guilty about feeling that emotion anymore.

Making myself a priority

It actually hurt me to write that.  I still don’t even know how to do that yet. I’m always so focused on the kiddo that it takes real effort for me to do something for me. But when I finally get a chance to do it, I’m going to relish every second of it. I realize now that when I make the best decisions for my own health & happiness, it fills me up & overflows into my family. My cup runneth over. How can I ever feel guilty about that?

What are some things you’ve felt guilty about in the past that you no longer allow to negatively impact you?

 

We're already into the second month of 2018. I didn't really have 2018 goals, a new year's resolution, a theme or a word for the year. I've tried that before, and it's never worked.